A Letter to my unborn child

My Dear Elfin,

If any of our mythological and literary stories which suggests that the almighty actually waits to send in his beloved to the right person at the right time  are anything to go by, then am sure you are having a whale of time with Him, don’t you?
Baby, there’s immense pressure from all corners for your parents to bring in you as early as possible and your parents like any other ‘planning’ couple's reply will  be an unflattering smile with a nod. But believe me, bringing you to into this world would have been the most easiest  thing to do but what truly matters is the justification of bringing you. Your parents wedding is the prototypical ‘arranged marriage’ with number of baggage tagging along with it. We didn’t want to bring you at that moment when we ourselves were lost and were fishing our own identities in the relationship. Therefore, we wanted our own time to build that foundation so as to ensure that we are geared up to raise you in a healthy environment. So yeah we are taking our time, but baby, this holds good with any  kind of relationships that involves human.  We’ve to have humungous  patience , understanding and whatnot to deal with it. Even your's & mine relationship will not stand out to this definition. We are going to have our fair share of differences, admonishments, fights, but what is more important than any of this is that our bond would get poignant & unfathomable with every single moment & instances in our life.It’s not that we’ve never thought about you. If anything, we are now thinking more about you. We talk about you when we happen to meet any of our friend's children; when we watch cartoon network (yeah,yeah your parents still watch these :) ) and in so many such like instances. These days you are featuring primarily on our weekend ‘long drives’ which was meant only to discuss about us two . We‘ve  also started zeroing on names for you. Oh, no , no really not the name featuring at the beginning of this post ,that’s just your blog name.

If I'd somehow given  you the impression that am going to be one ardent  and not -so-fun- to -be -with mother, then , yes you are right, baby. But don’t you worry, your ecstatic father would atone it. Not sure why, but I somehow get the feel that you are going to be your ‘daddy’s child‘. During those talks on our drives that I’ve mentioned before, when the topic arises about you and for some reason I become all ‘motherly’ and say things like I would whack you and stuff  he’s turning in to this protective father and already saving your imaginary bum from it. So yes, you ARE  going to turn into one like him and being his progeny I would only be apprehensive only if it was the other way around. No am not grumbling and am sort of making my peace with it. Yet I secretly love to see you as a smaller adaptation of him and take on his genes from being charismatic, good-natured, well-behaved, poignant person. Though ,if you dare to take on his food fussiness then I warn you now only that I would be forced to do what am unable to do to your father. All said and done don’t even dream that your father would prioritize you over me and he knows this  better than anyone . Don‘t ask me why because that‘s the way it is .Well, if you are a boy, you will understand this at the right time and if you are a girl, oh come on, you know it already :).

Baby, there are times when I really envy you. Yes, I envy you because you are rich and am poor. You heard it right, you are rich in the sense that there’s  something in abundance with you already that I’ve yearned and still yearning in my life and that’s the unconditional love from your extended family. To begin with, you’ve two wonderful sets of grandparents. If your maternal grandparents are going to teach you the fun of life, your paternal grandparents are going to teach you the values of life. Both of them are already planning on the dos and don’ts of and after your arrival. If you are going to bitch about your parents ,talk anything and everything under the sun to your aunt from my side then you are going to be spoilt & pampered from your great uncles & great aunts from your father’s side. If you are going to talk things that involves books, films  and stuff like that to your uncle from my side then you’ve another uncle from your father’s side who could teach how to drive , sing and so on. If your elder sister on my side is going to be over protective & supportive and show off her elder sister status to  you in whatsoever case, then you’ve a bunch of uncles waiting from your father’s side to educate you on the kind of pranks & mischievous they had played & thought it would be funny. Oh, did I tell you that you are one of the few luckiest being to have a great-grandmother from your father’s side. These are the kind of relations that are tailor- made for you , apart from this you will also go on to meet and make new friends which would obviously be of your whims. But let me tell you something, these are some of the treasures that you must hold on  very strongly in your life. You can always lean on to them & trust you with them irrespective of me being around or not. They would welcome you with open hands and will hold you tight to them.

You know baby, every mother has a dream about her child and your mother is no exception to that. I have dreams of what you have to become of all which are what am not. I want you to be a sports enthusiast like your father or better even a sports person. I would like to see you in one of those uniformed forces marching pride for the country. I would love if you have special interests in arts like painting, singing, and so on. I would be the happiest person if you take on your father in acquiring the  knowledge of math, you see your mother was not that very bright on all these areas. Again, don’t worry that am going to be some tiger mom to  thrust you into things that you are not willing to do. Am only trying to live my life vicariously through you and I swear that you’ll be given a more peaceful , healthy and a democratic upbringing. Even if I go against all that I’ve said, you can be assured that your father will be taking on your side , so yeah you’ve yet another reason to become the daddy’s child. Whatever your choices would be you  will always remain our child and that’s what matters in it’s entirety .

So, that’s about it.  Rest in next and hoping to meet you soon :)

With love,
Amma.

Of the New beginnings & the New year…

Every time it would happen & it happened this time also. The realization that a new year has dawned and has brought in some newer beginnings ,some closures on the old ‘chapters’ would really set in quite late with in me  and by that time the bell rings in my head  bang! another year would have fell in place . 2010 was no such exception.The year had just whizzed past me quite peacefully and rather uneventful, as in ,with no major challenges or hurts , but came with a irreparable loss on the personal front. Beginning of the year was when the tragic struck when we lost the person whom I’ve  had immense faith, respect ,loved & adored immensely to the deadly disease of advanced tuberculosis. My grandmother to us was one-of -a -kind woman. She was strong, independent , forward thinking and above all  a woman with substance. She could debate on anything & everything under the sun right from the politics to modern day cinema. She was a scribe to the visually challenged people & she helped them with their daily lessons by reading & writing their school or college work. Apart from my mother she’s the next woman to have induced the kind of respect that I’ve now for the age-old institution called ‘marriage’, while I would really not delve too much into the intricacies of it, which by itself would be a different post ,I would like to highlight one interesting habit of her’s which would sketch the rest of her character. A midst the women who would  try gathering the sympathies & the accolades they expect for the paltry gestures from their spouses and talk ’liberation’ and stuff even at the drop of a hat , here was the woman who had shed all her epicures of food  willfully  ever since my grandfather was diagnosed with diabetes & three blocks in heart . The gesture might be as small as it is but the impact was great as it is. While I could go on more about her yet am still struggling to come on terms of her absence in this world.

Other wise the year was THE  most peaceful I‘ve ever had. I’d turned into a full-time home maker and have now completely made my peace with this fact because anyway a person with one and half a year break in her resume is nothing short of a new comer and now even if I wish to join back the work force am going to be treated as one. But no, definitely I’ve no complaints on that and  if anything I thoroughly enjoyed and am enjoying this stint as a home maker. I’ve some thing with me which others long for and that is … TIME!! So yeah, absolutely am fine with it. The past year had given me tons of opportunities to explore on the arenas that I love like reading , traveling, enhancing my culinary skills , spending that kind of time which I really wanted with the spouse and at the same time the ‘me’ time that I’d yearned for. I continued with my passions for learning  languages and enrolled myself in French & English literature.

I truly wish this newly dawned year also follows the same league of it’s predecessor. Am a non-believer of taking resolutions on the beginning of the year which will anyway go in the drain just as the day ends leave alone following it for the entire year. But the few things that I could like to see the changes in myself will be

- to continue with my reading by taking more challenges & completing at least 50-75 books this year. Whoa!! Quite ambitious :)

- to instill that kind of discipline to write more even if it’s not up to the mark.

- To reach that ideal weight  by religiously walking & through diet.

- To do the work with utmost concentration and sincerity.

- To shed all those excess undesirable emotional baggage and think positive.

In a way I’ve chronicled this so I take a cue of this every time I open this page and provide with that urge to make the change happening.  So, here’s to the new beginning &  to a very happy new year .

Of some ‘untold’ things ..

Can anyone in this world forget our adolescent time: the time when we force ourselves to  loose the child-innocence and start acting like big people, the time when we are embarrassed when our  mamma calls us baby in front of our friends, the time when we get conscious about how we look eternally, the time when we appreciate nature’s gift such as rains ,sceneries’, the time when we believe in those fairy-tale stories and trust that those are for real and imagine ourselves to be the protagonists and wait for our prince charming or our lady love. It’s the time when we first experience that moment of our life, the moment when we realize that there are swarm of butterflies that flutters in us as we see that person .
 I’d experienced this fluttering for the first time while I was in grade eight when I saw this boy, let’s call him A , who fitted right into the expression ‘tall, dark and handsome’. He was not that kind of a major “head-turner”,neither do I, but yet there was this unexplained vibe(oh yeah, yeah, that Indian movies effect as u are already thinking) whenever I saw him. I sort of found him little funnily weird as he had a little larger ears which didn’t sync that well with his other wise usual round small face. He was on the other section and  I met him during one of those art classes where in both the sections were combined. I met him eye to eye when I’d accidentally stumbled upon his book and wanted to return it to him. I couldn’t resist myself in staring at him for quite sometime while I felt there were those people playing violins besides me( yep,from that same movie :)), and came back to my senses, when he’d called my name a little louder. I did a little background check got to know some of his details like his family, friends , interests and so from some of our common friends. From then on , I made sure that I didn’t dare to bunk the otherwise boring classes and also tried very hardly to make myself omnipresent. I spent days thinking about him and grabbed every opportunity to go in and come out of his class, sometime genuine and many a times feigned. For my friends I came as a surprise shocker as the friend whom they saw as a very shy, timid and not-so-interesting girl doing some crazy things and finally became their “laughing stock” for all their presumably ‘funny’ jokes. But nothing tugged me down and I was acting even more crazier just so I could get back at them. I tried all possible way to impress him but the introvert that I  am and also by some fear of rejection, the boy obviously had no clue about it. This little crush of mine came to a logical end when his family moved out of town half way thro’ the year for some reasons which I apparently came to know thro’ some of our common friends. Though it hit very hard at that moment, somehow it did not make that profound impact that I thought it would. Just as the popular adage goes, time became the perfect healer and his memories and thoughts blurred and today, I don’t even have a clue of what & where he is now. It was more like a passing clouds that poured down heavily and evanesce off in the sky without perturbing the flow of life. After this , apparently there were couple of others that just didn’t even last for few days , but all of which were untold before I really understood what the real ‘love’ meant. Though it’s funny now, but if I  could just sit back and get a little introspective about it I cannot help but to think on the ignorance I’d at that point of time in thinking that ‘this was it’  and go little over board without even realizing on what and how relationships works. As time and age progressed my ideas on relationships bettered and today am surely in the best place I could have ever imagined with the love of my life with dearth of any repent.

PS : I’d written this for blogadda’s contest, but understably am late by two days ,nevertheless thought of posting. Thanks for blogadda for making me to reminisce my good old days.

Of more books…

Three Cups of Tea By Greg Mortenson and David Oliver Relin :

I chanced upon this book while I was reading this . The writer had so eloquently written about the book that it instigated me instantaneously to pick the book my self. Do I repent or what , if anything, am grateful for the blogger to have introduced me to this wonderful experience. The popular adage “failures are the stepping stones of success” proved true literally to this man. What could have been a personal accomplishment turned out to be a accomplishment for the society. The book is about Mr. Greg Mortenson ,an American mountaineer who reaches the village of Korphe in Pakistan accidentally ,which changes the history for good on a failed expedition ,who was on his way to  reach the peak of K2. Greg is moved by warmth of the locals and instantaneously reciprocates the love and affection. He further learns about the plight of the schools and understands their needs. He was  appalled when he learns that the nearest hospital for them was somewhere two-day drive. He goes back to his country promising the people that he would soon return to change this scenario. This was/ is the turning point for both Mr. Greg and also for the village. From then on there was no looking back for Mr. Greg who by now have built hundreds of schools in the most vulnerable areas of Pakistan and Afghanistan. He achieves his mission by building one school at a time and is a strong believer of girl’s education which he believes will eradicate the ignorance of the society. The book also shares some interesting perspective of the so-called “conservative Islamists “ as the truth is somewhere far from what is been perceived by the mass by and large. The perfect example of such is HajI Ali who was the “Nurmadhar” or the chief of Korphe. It wouldn’t be an exaggeration if it’s said that HajI ali was the mentor for Greg, for it was he who taught him on how to deal with things that was alien to him. It was pleasant to read how Greg adopted and adapted  the local practices which even includes the dress code of the inhabitants. It was a revelation when we come to know that Greg also learnt their language Bali to become one among them. It was definitely not a cake walk for Greg to attain this “heights”. There were number of instances which if not for him any one else would have given up this spectacular mission. The chilling kidnap of Greg in the remote place of Waziristan, Pakistan where he was abducted for eight days and finally seen off with the contributions from them for his mission is just one among those myriad instances. There were also number of ‘fatwas’ issued by various muslim organizations to stop Greg or rather “infidel” to work in the muslim dominated area. But each time, Greg bounced back with more power to serve the people. There’s a wide belief that good people would be surrounded by equally good people and this belief seems to be true, right from HajI Ali to his personal guard Faisal Baig who vowed himself that he wouldn’t leave Greg anywhere alone in the vicinity of Pakistan since the episode of that abduction to many to name a few. This unique traits of Greg has been bequeathed by his parents who were no less than Greg’s mission. Greg’s parents were responsible for building schools and hospital in the much neglected area of Tanzania  and also established Kilimanjaro Christian Medical center. The book also shares the experience of this American who was in an extremely remote village of Pakistan opening schools along with his colleague from Central Asia Institute during on the world’s biggest disaster of the twin-tower blast happening in his country And by now if there’s an impression that Greg is this “perfect” man has been created in the minds, then the answer would be a big NO. Greg has his own limitations like how the co-author David Oliver Relin points how Greg was unpunctual, like wise, there are also number of instances which describes about Greg’s insomnia and many like these. But one cannot deny that all these looked trivial before his big mission. The book was definitely a page turner and it was more gratifying and humbling experience to know and read about people like him. Greg has also come up with his second book “stones into schools “ which elucidates his experience in Afghanistan. We can also read Greg’s interview from here.

The Museum of Innocence by Orhan Pamuk :

This was one book which was on my wish list for quite sometime after reading raving reviews. The book was worth all the wait. It’s story of wealthy business man in Turkey, Istanbul who is truly madly  deeply  in love with a shopkeeper -distant cousin, Fusun despite  him being engaged to his rich girlfriend , Sibel. The love later on turns into an obsession and looses her in the mid way. Did Kemal win his love , if he did , did it love last forever forms the rest of the story. This book can be compared with any of our contemporary Indian cinema but what makes the difference is the narration. The author has spoken from the point Kemal knows Fusun’s existence which is when she was still a fetus in her mother’s womb while he himself was almost sixteen years old. The author has walked us thro’ the Istanbul streets and have brought in the transformation of Istanbul both culturally and as a country while he was narrating a flamboyant love story in a good five hundred and odd pages. The book was a memorable read and ‘unputdownable’ to me. This review gave a more meaningful insight about this wonderful book.

My Sister’s keeper by Jodi Picoult :

Pics Courtesy : Amazon.com

The book caught my attention for its unique tag line when I was browsing thro’ some books at the store and back home did a small research on the same. It’s story of how a child is ‘engineered’ to save her first child from leukemia. It elaborates on the emotions that as a family they are going thro’ and the legal hassles that follow. The author has used the multiple scheme of narrators who talks from their point of perspective. Of all the characters ,Sara Fitzgerald is one who would invoke a concoction of emotions ranging from love, hatred, sympathize ,empathize , anger all at the same time but, if any anything , this is one character whom we would never want to be. The book was definitely a great read for the plot, for the way it was written and for the literature. But yet the read was emotionally exhausting and was continually meandering  in my mind throughout and I really had to take a serious break from reading.

What to write??

The one thing that has been consistent of this space is my INCONSISTENCY and I’ve no qualms in saying so. Am I ashamed of this or do I attribute it to some mundane or clichéd  excuses like “No time, been busy” ,”life has not taken any earth shattering change to write about” and such like. But nothing of that sorts. It was my pure inability to translate my feelings to words. It’s as simple as that. Not a single day  had passed without me staring into this blank page wanting to tell so much and make my voice heard leading to typing something and  back  spacing it instantaneously. By the time I perform this ritual of write -and- delete - and-write , the moment would have surpassed blurring the thinking process further. Am not a prolific writer , for that instance, not even an average writer, to get inspired by scenic beauties or flower blossoming to write creatively and bring those wonderful moments before the reader’s eyes. If anything it’s only my thoughts that rule this space. There were umpteen number of thoughts that was meandering thro’ my mind , several of which would surpass as it comes and many of which sustained creating a profound impact in me . There have been instances where I’ve let my inundating feeling to pass by  unnoticed owing to the repercussions  that might follow. That’s when a small identity crisis crippled, as in, this space which was meant to be exclusive for me , which was started with a distinct  motive of expressing “honestly“, should itself be estranged. I didn’t know! I didn’t have answers to the myriad questions rising in my mind. But there was a point where I really felt the need for the resilience and watch the world pass by  as a mere  spectator with no strings attached to it. It was quite an experience to watch things at a distant. This process was really a great learning curve and has changed my perspective of life. Life at a distance was heaven but at the same time it was funnily weird at times. I really have so much to say and write but as of now am restraining myself to write more so as to learn from the world more.

The Long lost love..

… And that is finally found. Isn’t it always a bliss to be doing what we love to do without any guilt towards to it. If that it is, then in a way, I could really boast of it. Given the current “unemployed “ state of mine , or can I give myself a bit of benefit and call  a “homemaker” , where I’ve all the time in this entire galaxy enough to do things that I like the most ,apart from the domestic chores, and by that, reading was not that far away. I was definitely not that kind of a child who loves to go out and meet friends and play as if there’s no tomorrow. I’ve a very blurred memory of the number of times I‘ve actually played  in the entire span of my childhood. And that was when my affair with the books had begun. I still remember the first book that I actually laid my hands on ,  “Gokulam” the English magazine of a Tamil weekly popular named KALKI , exclusively for kids. This book gave me the perspective of “reading” beyond the prescribed text books. The book contained variety genres like short stories, animated stories, regulars and so on. It also had an agony-aunt sort of column where in the kids of the age ranging from 8-16 poured their agonies. There were times when I could relate to most of the queries asked ,though my favorite part of the book was the story of a mouse family which comprised of mother, father, sister and brother and the story would weave brilliantly around their trials and tribulations ,love, affection and also would talk about the sibling rivalry.  The simple English and the educative articles edged this book amongst others.  Besides there were also other similar books like champak which kindled the interest to read books. After this, I’d slowly graduated  to read books like Nancy Drew , Hardy boys , Famous Five and such like. I still remember how insanely I sank in the books in my hand oblivious of the happenings around me. Those were the times when I forsake my physical training classes only to sneak into the library and get in touch with the books that I‘d left half way. This little habit of mine tardily faded paving way for the ever-growing responsibilities and changing priorities. Now with all this once-professional-turned - homemaker tag thought this would be the time to revamp this long lost love which I’d decided to grab it covetously :) .  I was scouring the net to find what was in vogue in the literature world - the books, the reviews and such like and inferred the ones that are now adorning the side bar of this page. There are numerous blogs that I’d discovered which is written so eloquently making me feel small in front of their literary skills which I‘ve decided to hone strenuously. In lieu of this, I’ve also been following closely with the recently held Jaipur literature festival where all the big shots from the literature world had met and discussed the literature as such.  But the dreams were shattered when I heard that this part of the world does not boast of a decent library or in fact ANY library. After an incessant search with a failed mission of finding one led to discovery of an awesome book store which had everything that I desired for . This was when the spouse connived at  me to OWN it. I say it as a big deal because, yes it is as such , with the kind of books that am lured to, buying it would prove it to be pricey but then the spouse gave a go- ahead much to my excitement. So now there’s a mini library in the offing at my  place :). Though I loved to read from all genres but am thoroughly  an avid reader of fiction . So, here are some of my thoughts on the books that I’ve read so far, this is also to keep track on the books that I read.

Brida by Paulo Coelho :

This book is a story of an Irish girl named Brida who embarks a journey in search of knowledge. During that journey she meets people who contribute in a way on her ‘self’ discovery. It’s  a simple plot with spiritual annotations adorning it. This book was recommended by my ex-colleague who was way too impressed with the book.  It was not much of an interest while I was read it as the story was reding things that I hardly was  being able to relate, IMO.

P.S. I Love You By Cecelia Ahern :

 Yes, yes, you heard it right. It's quite an old one as the book was published in the year 2004 and it’s  movie adoption on 2007.So, yeah I read it late :).
It’s the debut novel of the author and the story revolves around the couple Holly and Gerry  who are truly , madly and deeply in love. Gerry dies of a chronic disease and he writes 10 letters before his death to his wife in order to make her move on with her life sans him.
The plot is as poetic , romantic and tragic true to it’s sense but I still felt it could’ve been narrated in an even more elegant way. The book at times wanders far away from the plot and at times it gets repetitive. Despite small falls, this book definitely is one of my favorites just for the simple reason - The Plot.


The White Tiger  By Aravind Adiga :

The Indian author is the  winner of the Man Booker prize and I can see why it is. The book is about a village simpleton who is servant-turned-murderer -turned - entrepreneur. He says about his rise in the form of a single letter to the Chinese Premier in  seven nights.
The book holds onto our attention from the word Go. Exceedingly well written . There’s a dark humor in the way Balram, the protagonist of the book, narrates his experiences. Though I must admit  that there were times when I was perturbed by the fact that my country was shown in poor light, or if I could put it this way, the dark side of my country. But I would like to leave it at that.


The Alchemist By Paulo Coelho :
 This is the story of a shepherd Santiago embarks on a journey to follow his dream and eventually learn the art of listening to what his heart says. “The Alchemist” is a widely read book and always been recommended by people who have read. And now I echo these recommendations. It’s definitely a good read if we understand the underlying message.

Twilight By Stephanie Meyer :

The debut novel of the author where a girl Bella ,meets a boy Edward who in turn is a vampire and yet she’s head-over heels in love with him. The book has a few extremely chilling moments ,like, when we get to know the age of Edward , which is otherwise just a mediocre teen love novel .Am still not sure on what exactly made to pick this one , may be just to see what the ‘saga’ was all about. There were some instances which reminisced my school days , the place where we tend to meet our “crush”.  All said and done this is definitely not my “kind”.

Currently on the shelf :

The Museum of Innocence By Orhan Pamuk :

I don’t think I can write something about this since am half way thro it. But yes, the reviews of the book is awe-inspiring consistently.

On My Wishlist:

Though this list is never ending , but these are my immediate interests :

1) My Sister’s keeper By Jodi Picoult
2) Three Cups of Tea by Greg Mortenson & David Oliver Relin
3)  Reading Lolita in Tehran By Azar Nafisi
4) The Palace of Illusions By Chitra Banerjee.

And I hope to continue with this love :).

Am I handicapped?

When it comes to writing, or, by and large expressing?? This is probably one of the questions that I’ve been contemplating in the recent past but in vain to counter the thoughts. The long dearth from this little space of mine stands testament to it. Not that my life has become less eventful ever since I turned to be a home maker or have not  blinkered about the events happening  around the world, as a matter of fact I’ve loads of things  to be shared, to fret on,  to be contented, to reminisce about and so on. But yet, when I would think of articulating the same I would profoundly feel disconnected between my thought process and the sense of expression albatrossing me. Having said that, guess what’s my challenge for this year :- To overcome this disability of mine and I hope to recuperate from it soon.