Of some ‘untold’ things ..

Can anyone in this world forget our adolescent time: the time when we force ourselves to  loose the child-innocence and start acting like big people, the time when we are embarrassed when our  mamma calls us baby in front of our friends, the time when we get conscious about how we look eternally, the time when we appreciate nature’s gift such as rains ,sceneries’, the time when we believe in those fairy-tale stories and trust that those are for real and imagine ourselves to be the protagonists and wait for our prince charming or our lady love. It’s the time when we first experience that moment of our life, the moment when we realize that there are swarm of butterflies that flutters in us as we see that person .
 I’d experienced this fluttering for the first time while I was in grade eight when I saw this boy, let’s call him A , who fitted right into the expression ‘tall, dark and handsome’. He was not that kind of a major “head-turner”,neither do I, but yet there was this unexplained vibe(oh yeah, yeah, that Indian movies effect as u are already thinking) whenever I saw him. I sort of found him little funnily weird as he had a little larger ears which didn’t sync that well with his other wise usual round small face. He was on the other section and  I met him during one of those art classes where in both the sections were combined. I met him eye to eye when I’d accidentally stumbled upon his book and wanted to return it to him. I couldn’t resist myself in staring at him for quite sometime while I felt there were those people playing violins besides me( yep,from that same movie :)), and came back to my senses, when he’d called my name a little louder. I did a little background check got to know some of his details like his family, friends , interests and so from some of our common friends. From then on , I made sure that I didn’t dare to bunk the otherwise boring classes and also tried very hardly to make myself omnipresent. I spent days thinking about him and grabbed every opportunity to go in and come out of his class, sometime genuine and many a times feigned. For my friends I came as a surprise shocker as the friend whom they saw as a very shy, timid and not-so-interesting girl doing some crazy things and finally became their “laughing stock” for all their presumably ‘funny’ jokes. But nothing tugged me down and I was acting even more crazier just so I could get back at them. I tried all possible way to impress him but the introvert that I  am and also by some fear of rejection, the boy obviously had no clue about it. This little crush of mine came to a logical end when his family moved out of town half way thro’ the year for some reasons which I apparently came to know thro’ some of our common friends. Though it hit very hard at that moment, somehow it did not make that profound impact that I thought it would. Just as the popular adage goes, time became the perfect healer and his memories and thoughts blurred and today, I don’t even have a clue of what & where he is now. It was more like a passing clouds that poured down heavily and evanesce off in the sky without perturbing the flow of life. After this , apparently there were couple of others that just didn’t even last for few days , but all of which were untold before I really understood what the real ‘love’ meant. Though it’s funny now, but if I  could just sit back and get a little introspective about it I cannot help but to think on the ignorance I’d at that point of time in thinking that ‘this was it’  and go little over board without even realizing on what and how relationships works. As time and age progressed my ideas on relationships bettered and today am surely in the best place I could have ever imagined with the love of my life with dearth of any repent.

PS : I’d written this for blogadda’s contest, but understably am late by two days ,nevertheless thought of posting. Thanks for blogadda for making me to reminisce my good old days.

Revelation of Parenthood

I was and did comprehend a lot of mommy blogs and have been flabbergasted by the way they would articulate. They write with so much of ardour, warmth which attaches a dignity to the already esteemed mother hood. There are quite a few blogs which quiver my inner urge to be one myself such is the zeal with which they write. I’d always deliberated that it’s only moms who would express their love to their offspring and Dads are less expressive. And not long before did I stumble here and subsequently leading to read this changed my entire perspective of this rationale. Fathers are for eternity imperative right?

There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when
he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough
for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love
itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994

Reading few others, I couldn’t stop myself in thinking about my own dad (though this might be like off the topic). While my mother did carry the entire burden in raising us while dad was solely the bread winner of the family. Thanks to his marketing job, he was always on his heels living mostly on the intercity trains and buses for a long term official tour making a rare guest appearance. But as time conceded and when I was growing into this ‘rationale’ girl or rather woman, I did appreciate how my father had helped mom in raising us in a roundabout way. He has and probably will never get in the way in any of my mom’s decision more than ever if it involving us. He will also not impede on any of our own lives. He has always let us been ourselves and has never tried to change things in us. True to the words of an eminent persona, my father did not tell us how to live but lived and let me watch him do it. Though we, or at least I, did miss the charisma of the father figure at home but yet doubtless, I’ve a space for myself where I could dispense out emotion, if only my father was introduced to these platforms, he could have been even more articulate.

Friend, My Earnest Apologies….

Dear S,
I first met you during the days of my "golden phase". You were a complete stranger and we would jus meet occasionally for one of our leisure period... You were fair skinned, vivacious, enterprising and I could jus go on and on about you... I was, at that time, completely de -moralized, the trepidation of people who were good looking was so sturdy in me and that held in me reserved from you. You belonged to one of that "happening" gang from which I would completely distance myself due to the timidity of myself. But as days passed, you had initiated our amity or rather the liaison... We’d slowly become acquaintances ; we talked during the class hours; we messaged while we were apart; we’d those long hours of chatting sessions over phone ; And you were the one who introduced me to the coffee shops, plazas and the other happening hang-out places which honestly are alien land…. and slowly we’d become inseparable... But still on a remote corner of my heart, I was still fighting that freaking diffidence in me… I was unable to over come it completely... you didn’t know about it… or perhaps... I didn’t make you realize it... Time passed as our liaison grew stronger and deeper... You’d almost started confiding your’self’ to me... we were in complete revelation of each other... We found the solace in our relation ship... But yet, dear friend … I could not win over the downbeat emotion; as the time grew and with that we’d also grown and there was that awful day of separation... But still we made sure that we didn’t wobble our liaison... And one day you gave me that sweetest news of your significant other… You were jus SO into him … that you could keep raving about him even if it was a diminutive thing… I can still not forget that grin on your face with you’re already milk - fair cheeks turning pink when ever you get his call… But Dear friend, fate had other plans for us... Some how we lost in touch… It was almost a year that we were unable to commune... By then all good things had happened to you... You got married to this nice person with whom you were really in love... Truly, madly deeply…. And as a result... god had gifted you with little angel… But I wasn’t there to see all those… Am still not able to reason out as to how and why I let you go… I should have taken the least of measures for us to get back what we’d lost… perhaps.. Am I still suffering from that dread ful emotions…. Am not sure… I still hit myself very hard for what I’ve done… Is there anything that I cannot forgive myself is for loosing You… Some day or the other I believe that our paths will cross each other... And we might again have the same color in our life... But still... Am really not sure if I could muster up the courage to look into your eyes and confide everything to you...