What to write??

The one thing that has been consistent of this space is my INCONSISTENCY and I’ve no qualms in saying so. Am I ashamed of this or do I attribute it to some mundane or clichéd  excuses like “No time, been busy” ,”life has not taken any earth shattering change to write about” and such like. But nothing of that sorts. It was my pure inability to translate my feelings to words. It’s as simple as that. Not a single day  had passed without me staring into this blank page wanting to tell so much and make my voice heard leading to typing something and  back  spacing it instantaneously. By the time I perform this ritual of write -and- delete - and-write , the moment would have surpassed blurring the thinking process further. Am not a prolific writer , for that instance, not even an average writer, to get inspired by scenic beauties or flower blossoming to write creatively and bring those wonderful moments before the reader’s eyes. If anything it’s only my thoughts that rule this space. There were umpteen number of thoughts that was meandering thro’ my mind , several of which would surpass as it comes and many of which sustained creating a profound impact in me . There have been instances where I’ve let my inundating feeling to pass by  unnoticed owing to the repercussions  that might follow. That’s when a small identity crisis crippled, as in, this space which was meant to be exclusive for me , which was started with a distinct  motive of expressing “honestly“, should itself be estranged. I didn’t know! I didn’t have answers to the myriad questions rising in my mind. But there was a point where I really felt the need for the resilience and watch the world pass by  as a mere  spectator with no strings attached to it. It was quite an experience to watch things at a distant. This process was really a great learning curve and has changed my perspective of life. Life at a distance was heaven but at the same time it was funnily weird at times. I really have so much to say and write but as of now am restraining myself to write more so as to learn from the world more.

Raja Ko Rani se Pyar ho Gaya – Part II

And then……
Our engagement was fixed in a very short span of two weeks without the dates of the D -Day being finalized. Though we’d mutually agreed on the proposal but we still remained unfamiliar person to each other. Thanks to HD, we decided to have the wedding on the later part of the year amidst the furor and resistance from both our families. I had a strong belief that this period of our courting would be the underpinning of my life and so I was determined to take this prospect and get to know each other. But alas, the first three months went off with not much of it as he was preparing for his dream run certified examination and hence didn’t want to disturb him much. And hence there were not much congregation it was jus those long sessions over phone... especially during the night time which would be a fitting time for repose. Now coming to the dot - the guy himself. On the first day, it was like two full-grown people sitting across the table and discussing their lives and there was nothing much further to it with neither of us not having much expectation. I must confide here that even during our engagement period we were unfamiliar person to each other. But then am really not sure of how & when exactly did I start adoring him but definitely not during our initial days, probably it just evolved with time. What really can I say about this wonderful guy?? He’s so unlike me on all aspects, be it on his endurance level, considerate; he jus charms on anything and everything he does. I would definitely say that man plays a very crucial role in keeping his family intact and also not hurt himself in the progression. Because it’s very evident that a woman leaves behind everything and enters into another family trusting none but solely her companion. Her life restarts again with him being the central point and this I could proudly say my HD has lucratively crossed without a twinge to anyone. He took the initiative of disseminating his home to me way before the moment I could actually step into his life made my ‘transition’ much simpler. There are few things which I really do not have to tell him out loud but it could have jus been done. In this entire period of me knowing him, I’ve never really seen him loosing his cool for what ever biggest mistakes I might have committed. On the contrary to me, he’s never spoken anything beyond his control even while he hit his highest point of anger. There might have been contemplations like as to what big deal is this all about, but the point here is that we were not married after a long period of courtship. And while we were actually courting, we'd almost reached a stage where it was irreversible. And now with all this am really not going to even think of reversing. I just thought about him and nothing else while I knew anything besides that could be jus fleeting away with time. What could have happened if not him, probably my journey could have been different somewhere. But I could have truly missed being the WIFE of this wonderful person; and I really mean it from the bottom of my heart…
And now am leaving this much loved song of mine to this wonderful person im much sync with my mood.. :-)

To Be Continued…
Until my life curtains comes to a draw..

I, Me,Myself

You Inner Gender is Female

You're sensitive, caring, and willing to connect with anyone who's open to you.You make friends easily, and you enjoy all sorts of conversations.You understand most people you meet - better than they understand themselves. You're totally a woman... or at the very least, your soul is female.

What's" Your Inner Gender?

Courtesy: IBH:-)

Adhu oru kanakalam:-)

I 'd once received this message from my good old college friend which begins " gone are the days ... The stuff which it had conveyed was exactly my good old college days.... I got thinking about a lot of the stuff and that's how ended up in this post..
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On July18th 2001 was "THE DAY" in my life in which there was this sudden transition.... my first day in college!!Our's was a complete Men's college and it was only two years before they had changed it to co-ed.As soon as the college gates were wide opened infront of me, I could see only guys heads and for a moment I could not stop thinking if I were in a wrong place, but sooner as a sigh of relief I could finally trace few girls... Actually the ratio of men to women would have been say 10 : 1 and that explains the scarcity of women in our college...Our class had a strength of 48 out of which we were only 8 girls (and even that got reduced after two of them chose for the morning sessions) and should I have to really elucidate on the fun we could have had..

Since we , girls, were in less numbers so the option of finding the 'best desks' was completely ruled out , as it was already been 'attacked' by our fellow mates and so we were made to sit right under-the-nose of our lecturers. But, that was not an issue at all, coz most of our lecturers would jus turn towards the board and would keep saying things which were far behind our senses;And here we would be happily passing notes,sleep with our eyes opend and so on.We thought thousand times before we could apply for a holiday during our first year, but then we became 'matured' enough to mass bunk on our final year to watch the then hyped movie Kabhi Kushi Kabhi Gham..

The highlight of our college is our canteen!! You know.. it's like a priced poessession of our college..I would say we've one of the best canteens in the whole of chennai colleges. the food would be outclass and quite affordable. Try checking for the attendance in our canteen, and I would audaciously put forth my belongings in bet of cent percent turn out.. :-)Given the amount of space we'd, it's sure the favourite hangouts for us. And during thebreak time, we could see people from different walks of life. And I still remember how we were literally chucked out of the canteen on our last of the final year exams.. The language hours were the special hours as we'd combined classes with the other departments like Physics, Bio chemistry.. It was a time for us to relax as we really cared a damn about it.. it was more like a P.T. class during our school days..

The best part of those days was our trip to pondicherry which was self organised.. It was during this trip that we all had become one.. we got to know each other and it was out of this trip that I made few wonderful friends for life time..

I love my college days.. it was jus during those days when I'd been My'self'.Driving past those days makes me become a 'sentimental Idiot'..

Why, I'm all snify jus about writing this..

PS: As am writing this Simbu & AishwaryaRajnikanth are crooning the wonderful farewell song compode by D. Imman from the movie whistle into my ears with "Natpae natpae..."

Being ME!!!

Come this monday and here am gonna turn twenty three!!! jus staggered by the thought of it...
23 years have rolled out in being ME!!!! Pondering over the thought of how life has been these years... could not help myself in going thro' a nostalgic trip....

I was a very abnormal child.. ya. u heard it right... Abnormal child...( may be still Am:-))
well, I could really say I'd a very bad childhood days.... All I tasted during those days was hatred, complexes, ego ,bullying, mocking, frustration on and on and on... given a chance I would never ever will opt for the same.. But the most wonderful thing that has happened to me are my buddies whom I still hold close to my heart....

Then came my most wonderful phase of life... College days :-) put me on a time machine and order me to go back in life... I would surely go back to those golden days.... friends, class rooms , lecturers, my language classes, mass bunking, those humpty number of holidays, and above all my canteen...... WOW!!!!! I can jus go on and on and on and on....this phase of life is one which is worth writing a long post... and I would surely do...

And then came the this part of where I realised ME... this happened when my mom had to join my dad in seychelles and I was left back alone to deal my life... well that was lil crucial for my coz, I'd to do a balancing act between my studies, project, job interviews and also to take care of the house... well it was disgusting. frustrating ... but now when I look back... I think I could take some pride in me for having dealt it with zeal...:-)

In a nutshell, life these years has been a roller -coaster ride and now Am really not sure of what god has in store for me the rest of life, but whatever it is having full faith in the almighty lemme give it a chance...

LIFE IS LIKE THAT!!

For all those who wondered where was I for the past six months(If only someone had really done!!;-) ), well most of the time trying unsuccessfully to understand the nitty-gritties of life.. For a girl like me, who always refused to come out of the "protecting blanket" of family's love and affection; who was an agnostic about people's behaviour, or rather, "misbehaviour"; who was made to view the world with a pink glass to see ONLY good things around me!!! life post-job has surely taken a topsy - turvy turn changing the color of the glasses with more of grey and less of pink.It has jus made to realise the saying that "All that glitters are not gold!! The scathful and inexplicable nature of fellow people has jus made me to realise how tough is it to be a clean slate, wherein people can jus come write over whatever THEY feel and jus get away with not really bothering about the marks they leave behind.With the predominance of sarcasm around, ignominy ,muffling on my stance for sure has been the testimonials of my change in the approach of viewing the world through grey glasses.And with none around to shoulder and understand when it's really a necessitate,life's totally gone rampant. what do these people derive of bickering? Happiness?? If yes, does it really exist for long?These are the few unanswered questions and am really trying hard to find an answer. I wonder how people can jus muck things for others and get away with it and the people at the receiving end are jus left behind flabbergasted . Sometimes, am really not able to resist the feeling of being unfit to insert myself in this world. I've paid a higher cost for having been so oblivious of life and now,better to late than to never have decided not to succumb to these kind of contemptible pressures and fight back the raising odds and do good to myself. And then continue my living in the hope that all bad things will have to come to an end.Hmmm.. i could really not help myself from an yet- another- cribbing post.But what to do LIFE"S LIKE THAT!!!;-)

THE DEVIL RETURNS! :-)

yes... am back after a real loooong time.Well.... life has taken lil twist during this tenure.it all started when i'd to take a break for my exams.for me exams had always been a nightmare, specially my maths exams! i used to have a tough time in remembering those formulaes and so on...more than the subject it was those frantic looks of my sis which threatened me more.coz, mom always put me on to my sis to teach me maths and my sis hates this job to the core(because i was so dumb in maths) and she would try all means to get rid of the "capital punishment" given to her which would ultimately end up with a quarrel between mom and sis.and there yours truly would escape without noticed:-). ironically, the subject which i majored in my under graduation was MATHS! this came as a surprise to whole of my life... hmmmm... but that's life right? "Expect the Unexpected".Fortunately my management studies are more interesting coz, i don't have to sit and load my brain forcefully.it jus requires our analytical and logical reasoning power, which i love to do! am jus waiting for my results with fingers crossed. lemme hope for the best. And the next big thing was the disappointment i got when my sister after so many thoughts juggling she finally declared that they weren't coming down to India on dec 30th.i'd so many plans about their trip.it was like we would be totally out of station for atleast a month,and there were also plans that we would meet our parents in seychelles but all that was completely shattered. well, it really took a long time for me to accept it, but again as always happen i was forced to accept .

but i think it was a blessing in disguise.coz, it was the same day that i'd to attend a placement interview.and now am placed.there are so many "firsts" in my life. My first interview, My first job, and so on. but again my complaint here is i didn't have anyone to share. i carried back lot of stories, exciting things which happened during my first day on the job only to realise that i didn't have any one to share with.for that matter, i still don't know how my folks are reacting to it.am not able to figure out what exactly they feel with that short duration over phone.am missing them so badly here.anyways as always, lemme try to accept this too.

A SPECIAL MEESAGE TO SPECIAL PERSON

I LOVE YOU....


for so many reasons,
it would take me all day
to list them....


I LOVE YOU....


because you make me laugh
until i can hardly breathe,

because all i've to do is look at you a certain way
and you know exactly what i'm thinking,

because i can trust you to understand even the things
i'm still trying to figure out...


I LOVE YOU...

because you're real,
all the time,
about everything,
no matter what,
and you help bring out the best in me...

over and over again,
you are truly an AMAZING person

and am proud to call you THE BEST FRIEND of mine..

and for many more reasons, there's no wonder that i celebrate the arrival of my "friend" on this earth nearly 26 years before and that too a day before so that i be the first person to wish on your BIRTHDAY..

HAPPY BIRTHDAY AKKA....

AN UNFORGETTABLE WEEKEND

well... am sure this weekend would have been an unforgettable weekend for most of the chennaites.as a well known factor, chennai witnessed incessant rain from morning till night and it was in this same rain i got drenched for the first time ever in my life:-).i felt like dancing as the heroine of "mazhai",this was somewhere around eleven'o clock in the morning.i was enjoying this climate throughout the day without knowing it's after-effects.it should be around 3.00 am when i woke up to hear the reverberation of people in my colony.but i pay any heed to these reverberations coz it's like a common thing in the area i reside.but in the morning i opened my sit-out door only to see my area surrounded by water,it was as though i was in an island and i was also confused when i saw several women and children lying on the corridors of our building and my neighbouring building too.then later on i heard from my neighbour that flood have washed their homes and now our corridors have become their dwelling places.they had absolutely nothing with them not even the basic facilities they need to have.it was so painful for me to see people having their food on roads ,literally on roads, coz there was no other open space to accomodate these many people at the same time.and moreover this was an unexpected one and so neither the people nor the local governing bodies were prepared to face this kind of situation.and for me, this is the first time am being introduced to these kind of emergency situations and so i was little emotionally moved when i saw all that happening jus infront of my eyes. purely by god's grace there was not a single life loss reported.the corporation's work was really commendable here,normalcy was restored in just about 24 hours of the devastation.but the power cut which lasted for complete four days was the most intolerable thing.i was completely out of touch with the outer world for these four days.it was like almost my life had come to a stand-still without power.obviously,because of power cut for four days, we ran short of water .atleast to stay connected with my sis and parents,i needed mobile or landline which also ran out of battery(my landline is that CDMA connection which runs on battery too),so i'd charge my mobile in a browsing centre.Man!serioulsy i'd a tough time in managing things,but this time am not gonna complain my life coz i've learnt how blessed am.

LIFE WITHOUT MOM....

It's been almost two and a half weeks since my mom flew to seychelles with my dad.And from then on it's yours truly who is managing the whole show,ie, right from managing house-hold chores to my official and personal needs.this is the most unbelievable and miraculous thing which can happen to me: leading a life sans my mom. I was this girl who would depend upon her for every little thing i do, right from what channel i need to watch to decide whether i need to attend my that day's classes or not. if you'd by now thought that am a school going girl, pardon me, am pursuing my management studies. somehow, i grew under her shelter completely.Honestly i liked it too. But the last two weeks has taught loads of things to me.It has taught how selfishly i've dealt my mom and how i've taken an undue advantage on her under the protective cover of being her daughter.But now the entire scenario has changed. i wake up with thought of what all things i've to complete for that day.i've begun to be more organised and try to do my work independantly in an effective and efficient manner.
I do have some complaints about this way of life. sometimes it's highly irritating and frustrating to do everything wholly by me. but it's this period which had taught me some valuable lessons in my life apart from what i said above. i've realised the value of relationships. for the past two weeks ,my sis makes it a point to call me twice a day!(for those wondering where she's.. she's in US right now) she's very much worried about me here.my parents call up atleast once in two days and not to forget my friends, they are keeping me occupied by messaging and calls till i go to sleep.am feeling elated about all these because i always complain of loneliness and i also have a feeling that know one cares about me. this thought of mine have proved that am wrong.:-)

But yes, to me, nothing can compensate my mom's presence.

I MISS YOU MOM..