A Letter to my unborn child

My Dear Elfin,

If any of our mythological and literary stories which suggests that the almighty actually waits to send in his beloved to the right person at the right time  are anything to go by, then am sure you are having a whale of time with Him, don’t you?
Baby, there’s immense pressure from all corners for your parents to bring in you as early as possible and your parents like any other ‘planning’ couple's reply will  be an unflattering smile with a nod. But believe me, bringing you to into this world would have been the most easiest  thing to do but what truly matters is the justification of bringing you. Your parents wedding is the prototypical ‘arranged marriage’ with number of baggage tagging along with it. We didn’t want to bring you at that moment when we ourselves were lost and were fishing our own identities in the relationship. Therefore, we wanted our own time to build that foundation so as to ensure that we are geared up to raise you in a healthy environment. So yeah we are taking our time, but baby, this holds good with any  kind of relationships that involves human.  We’ve to have humungous  patience , understanding and whatnot to deal with it. Even your's & mine relationship will not stand out to this definition. We are going to have our fair share of differences, admonishments, fights, but what is more important than any of this is that our bond would get poignant & unfathomable with every single moment & instances in our life.It’s not that we’ve never thought about you. If anything, we are now thinking more about you. We talk about you when we happen to meet any of our friend's children; when we watch cartoon network (yeah,yeah your parents still watch these :) ) and in so many such like instances. These days you are featuring primarily on our weekend ‘long drives’ which was meant only to discuss about us two . We‘ve  also started zeroing on names for you. Oh, no , no really not the name featuring at the beginning of this post ,that’s just your blog name.

If I'd somehow given  you the impression that am going to be one ardent  and not -so-fun- to -be -with mother, then , yes you are right, baby. But don’t you worry, your ecstatic father would atone it. Not sure why, but I somehow get the feel that you are going to be your ‘daddy’s child‘. During those talks on our drives that I’ve mentioned before, when the topic arises about you and for some reason I become all ‘motherly’ and say things like I would whack you and stuff  he’s turning in to this protective father and already saving your imaginary bum from it. So yes, you ARE  going to turn into one like him and being his progeny I would only be apprehensive only if it was the other way around. No am not grumbling and am sort of making my peace with it. Yet I secretly love to see you as a smaller adaptation of him and take on his genes from being charismatic, good-natured, well-behaved, poignant person. Though ,if you dare to take on his food fussiness then I warn you now only that I would be forced to do what am unable to do to your father. All said and done don’t even dream that your father would prioritize you over me and he knows this  better than anyone . Don‘t ask me why because that‘s the way it is .Well, if you are a boy, you will understand this at the right time and if you are a girl, oh come on, you know it already :).

Baby, there are times when I really envy you. Yes, I envy you because you are rich and am poor. You heard it right, you are rich in the sense that there’s  something in abundance with you already that I’ve yearned and still yearning in my life and that’s the unconditional love from your extended family. To begin with, you’ve two wonderful sets of grandparents. If your maternal grandparents are going to teach you the fun of life, your paternal grandparents are going to teach you the values of life. Both of them are already planning on the dos and don’ts of and after your arrival. If you are going to bitch about your parents ,talk anything and everything under the sun to your aunt from my side then you are going to be spoilt & pampered from your great uncles & great aunts from your father’s side. If you are going to talk things that involves books, films  and stuff like that to your uncle from my side then you’ve another uncle from your father’s side who could teach how to drive , sing and so on. If your elder sister on my side is going to be over protective & supportive and show off her elder sister status to  you in whatsoever case, then you’ve a bunch of uncles waiting from your father’s side to educate you on the kind of pranks & mischievous they had played & thought it would be funny. Oh, did I tell you that you are one of the few luckiest being to have a great-grandmother from your father’s side. These are the kind of relations that are tailor- made for you , apart from this you will also go on to meet and make new friends which would obviously be of your whims. But let me tell you something, these are some of the treasures that you must hold on  very strongly in your life. You can always lean on to them & trust you with them irrespective of me being around or not. They would welcome you with open hands and will hold you tight to them.

You know baby, every mother has a dream about her child and your mother is no exception to that. I have dreams of what you have to become of all which are what am not. I want you to be a sports enthusiast like your father or better even a sports person. I would like to see you in one of those uniformed forces marching pride for the country. I would love if you have special interests in arts like painting, singing, and so on. I would be the happiest person if you take on your father in acquiring the  knowledge of math, you see your mother was not that very bright on all these areas. Again, don’t worry that am going to be some tiger mom to  thrust you into things that you are not willing to do. Am only trying to live my life vicariously through you and I swear that you’ll be given a more peaceful , healthy and a democratic upbringing. Even if I go against all that I’ve said, you can be assured that your father will be taking on your side , so yeah you’ve yet another reason to become the daddy’s child. Whatever your choices would be you  will always remain our child and that’s what matters in it’s entirety .

So, that’s about it.  Rest in next and hoping to meet you soon :)

With love,
Amma.

Of the New beginnings & the New year…

Every time it would happen & it happened this time also. The realization that a new year has dawned and has brought in some newer beginnings ,some closures on the old ‘chapters’ would really set in quite late with in me  and by that time the bell rings in my head  bang! another year would have fell in place . 2010 was no such exception.The year had just whizzed past me quite peacefully and rather uneventful, as in ,with no major challenges or hurts , but came with a irreparable loss on the personal front. Beginning of the year was when the tragic struck when we lost the person whom I’ve  had immense faith, respect ,loved & adored immensely to the deadly disease of advanced tuberculosis. My grandmother to us was one-of -a -kind woman. She was strong, independent , forward thinking and above all  a woman with substance. She could debate on anything & everything under the sun right from the politics to modern day cinema. She was a scribe to the visually challenged people & she helped them with their daily lessons by reading & writing their school or college work. Apart from my mother she’s the next woman to have induced the kind of respect that I’ve now for the age-old institution called ‘marriage’, while I would really not delve too much into the intricacies of it, which by itself would be a different post ,I would like to highlight one interesting habit of her’s which would sketch the rest of her character. A midst the women who would  try gathering the sympathies & the accolades they expect for the paltry gestures from their spouses and talk ’liberation’ and stuff even at the drop of a hat , here was the woman who had shed all her epicures of food  willfully  ever since my grandfather was diagnosed with diabetes & three blocks in heart . The gesture might be as small as it is but the impact was great as it is. While I could go on more about her yet am still struggling to come on terms of her absence in this world.

Other wise the year was THE  most peaceful I‘ve ever had. I’d turned into a full-time home maker and have now completely made my peace with this fact because anyway a person with one and half a year break in her resume is nothing short of a new comer and now even if I wish to join back the work force am going to be treated as one. But no, definitely I’ve no complaints on that and  if anything I thoroughly enjoyed and am enjoying this stint as a home maker. I’ve some thing with me which others long for and that is … TIME!! So yeah, absolutely am fine with it. The past year had given me tons of opportunities to explore on the arenas that I love like reading , traveling, enhancing my culinary skills , spending that kind of time which I really wanted with the spouse and at the same time the ‘me’ time that I’d yearned for. I continued with my passions for learning  languages and enrolled myself in French & English literature.

I truly wish this newly dawned year also follows the same league of it’s predecessor. Am a non-believer of taking resolutions on the beginning of the year which will anyway go in the drain just as the day ends leave alone following it for the entire year. But the few things that I could like to see the changes in myself will be

- to continue with my reading by taking more challenges & completing at least 50-75 books this year. Whoa!! Quite ambitious :)

- to instill that kind of discipline to write more even if it’s not up to the mark.

- To reach that ideal weight  by religiously walking & through diet.

- To do the work with utmost concentration and sincerity.

- To shed all those excess undesirable emotional baggage and think positive.

In a way I’ve chronicled this so I take a cue of this every time I open this page and provide with that urge to make the change happening.  So, here’s to the new beginning &  to a very happy new year .