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Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Am hurt… deeply...
Like any daughter, My Dad is my Hero. He’s always been a calm, composed, passionate person and on the 25 years of this life journey I’ve never seen Appa loosing his cool... I’ve always tried to live like him... Appa’s main motto in life which he also follows conscientiously is "the more you give... the more you grow". I’ve seen him live up with his motto even if it’d cost him a fortune… And by some means I’ve imbibed this quality of his in me… I’ve always accepted things as it comes and have never really wanted it the Way I wanted… Many a times, right from my childhood ,I’ve been taken for a ride … I will constantly face bullying , bickering and on … but as a kid, I was not very vexed … I was jus so blameless that I could jus dust away from my shoulders and move on …. I’ve been and am paying a great deal even today… This one eminence has so developed in me that am now unable to completely rip it off from after having paid off profoundly… Though my inner strength has grown stronger, but there have been times when it will lead me to the boundaries of aggravation… as high to the extent of cursing, abusing, assaulting myself for having been so naïve... There have been many such instances in the recent past which has testified this eminence and the one in the recent past has unquestionably distressed me… Too many things jus ran on my mind... with too many questions which were predominantly WHY AGAIN ME???? I couldn’t take the effects jus like that… I didn’t feel like talking to anyone… I didn’t want to see anyone’s face… On the first place, I jus didn’t know how to react when I was nailed for something which I did that could have been any girl’s yearning … There was no one around for me to vent out… For the first time ever I experienced the seclusion among the swarm… I wanted to run to my mother hide my face under her lap and cry my heart out... I wanted to cuddle to my dad’s shoulder to experience his warmth… I’ve never missed them so bad in life… and I realized what they are to me… It was a revelation. It has left behind a irreparable scar in me… and has shaken my inner strength… appallingly. Though everything seems fine but still at the bottom of my heart…. AM ALL HURT…. DEEPLY….
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4 comments:
more you give more you get i agree with you
hope we all wil learn and impliment this in a field of education,peace, and love
Dear, I can understand, how u feeling... *hug* this is life, and all this situations are part o our life, and we have to face it. but always remember that, one day this bad phase will go and you be out from ur past...
cheers...!!!
Hi sm, Probably we could give it a try..
Kushi: Thanks for dropping in and leaving a comment :-) feeling much better now and yes, you are right.. this is passing phase..
Hi MJ,
thanks for dropping a line...reading your entire blog now...will drop in a line wherever i can...glad you enjoyed reading mine.... :)
I really do not know what you must have been through but sometimes we are unable to break loose from the shackles of the past or from the guilt of the present.
The best thing to do is to just imagine your parents beside you... visualise that they are with you all the time...a little conversation does help go a long way...the more you do this, the more they will appear in troubled and in happy times...hope I dint confuse you... :)
Cheers!
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