Desu Chudayya… Pardes bulayya…

It’s been a real long time since I’d even visited this little space of mine, leave alone writing something on it. Thanks to those THE most chaotic weeks after this. With just a week for a radical change in my life, my wheels were on full spree with shopping, closing on accounts, finalizing on the things to be taken with, visiting relatives on and on and on. And the last few days were even more crazier enough to make me even forget to breathe. The house was full with throngs of HD’s relatives pouring in and honestly that made things even more chaotic as his aunt fell sick of high pressure and had to be rushed to hospital just before the last few hours of our departure. Things returned to normalcy only after the doctor’s affirmation that she’s fine and had to some rest. After that unfortunate thing, we were again busy with some last minute checking and finally, we were off to airport with literally a bandwagon to see us off. We entered the airport with the sea of heavy baggage unaware of the other “tamasha” waiting for us in the airport where HD and me ruffled a bit in front of complete strangers as to what items have to be offloaded to reduce the baggage. Clearing off the baggage ,bidding adieu to the apparently anxious HD’s relatives , and clearing the string of formalities , we finally crashed onto the seats in the lounge of the airport in the wee hours ,waiting to aboard a new phase of life. It was only on that moment did I perceive the impact of this “new” life. Soon I would be leaving the place which had seen my life’s ups and downs, joys, sorrows and above all the familiarity of at least few a people when I walked down the street and

that made me realize that I had not only bid adieu to the people but apparently to at least a quarter of my life. All this was interrupted by a female voice announcing on the details of boarding the flight and there, HD and I picked our bags and walked towards the flight contemplating on what god has in store for us. Subsequently after seating on the flight and while browsing through the magazines my eyes which was sleep -deprived for the last 18 hrs finally took some rest. And HD was all the more enthused in showing me some amazing scenic from the top like sea , desert and blah blah was like singing in unresponsive ears as I was drooling down in his shoulders. Finally the journey to my other phase of life ended or rather begun while the captain announced the safe landing and I entered the city with mixed bag of emotions which was an unique sense of joy and at the same time lot of apprehensions dominating. The drive from the airport to home introduced me to those landscape buildings, the people dressed in the attire which I’ve seen only on the movies and the special notice was the range of cars that were plying on the overly - disciplined lanes. And I realized that the place was just a replica of my city, not a single time did I feel that I was on the other part of the world. Though the first few days was spent more on catching up with the lost sleep due to the crazy schedules back home and the other being the jet lag. Furthermore , here the days went quite busy in adjusting to the local time and setting up the home which , even after three months ,is still half way in completion. All said and done, I must accept that the life here is completely different from the one that I’d been living for the last few years and in HD’s words life here is ‘so far so good’.

PS: This post was lying in my draft for considerate amount of time and finally saw the light of the day.

Kabhi Alvida Naa Kehna..

No more those long hours of drowning in to the system; No more of those frantic calls from the clients; No more gossiping with friends over the cup of coffee; No more of those long sometimes sensical and many a times non-sensical meetings and there are many more which could be added to the never-ending list. It’s for a life of about three years to which I’d bid adieu yesterday with a heavy heart. Yes, now you are now reading this space of an educated, skilled unemployed youth :). I was fresh out of college when I'd joined work and I was this all this over- enthusiastic girl who was all geared up for a new challenge to face. Right from then life was a roller coaster ride with sea of joyful , cherishing and at times depressing waves touching me. It has made me what am today. And this phase of life did give in that confidence and it DID bring that pride in me. On the flip side, like any other it had its own unfavourable effects on me. There are a lot of things in life that I’d given a miss, some which are irrevocable, irreconcilable. I crossed the threshold of my most imperative phase of life with a hasten. I’d become work alcoholic without even me becoming conscious about it. Under stably, I cannot blame work, as in, for it as should have been ‘me’ who should have struck a balance between work and life. On the whole it was a real ‘experience’ which can be looked back and cherish those once-for-all moments.
And that also means that there’s a new beginning not only on the professional side but on the geographical side which was the sole reason behind this ‘unemployed’ state of mind. Yes, I would be soon go away leaving behind my motherland; my culture; my heritage on the whole.

More to come on this .... :)

What a Shame!!!!

News such as these talks about the precariousness on the very existence of something called as “Humanity” itself. It was a series of imbecility and every damn thing went wrong here. Do these human predators understand as to what kind of “contribution” they make to the society? As someone said, only if the punishments become corporal will the crime rates come down. Am low to the extent of even to write something on this and completely handicapped :(

If only I could..

Not sure if I've ever posted a forward on my blog. But after receiving this, I couldn't resist posting one which reflects the golden phase of my life :) Without much of my rants or prattles what ever.. here's what I'd received as a mail but mirrored my thoughts and re-kindled my past :)

Remembering my classmates,after few years,
My eyes were filled with tears,
Everyone now is busy a lot,
No one escaped from detiny's plot

Saw the girl whome once I thought as my best friend,
oops today she is somebody else's girl friend,
After months, remembered about her for a little while,
Heard she is happy, that made me smile.

Project reviews to Campus Interviews,
Nicknames to last bench games,
cultural rehersald to love proposals,
short term crushes to class room blushes.

Everything is fresh in our mind,
wish life could just rewind,
Let's laugh, play and rejoice,
Once again become college guys.

Chatting and laughing, we all were in elation,
till the painful moment of separation,
when it was time to part,
we returned with a heavy heart.

Today life is full of commitments,
And too many worries,
But those cherished moments,
Will live forever in our memories!!!!

If only I could go back on a time machine and relive those moments..

Sigh!!!

RIP

Yesterday I woke to the frantic call from my sis only to tell me about the fateful news of the sudden demise of her dearest friend whom she knew from their childhood days, maybe say from their 6th grade or even lesser. Unlike me, my sister has swarm of friends among whom this anna, as I fondly call him (anna means brother for non- Tamil readers) was the best. It is for sure not just a say, but true to the meaning of it. He was one of the coolest guys I’ve ever met. His eyes would speak volumes about him. He would stand out distinctively even among a crowd and if there’s a place which is much chirpier and happy and the reason for that would be undoubtedly him. He has a charm by himself which would seek the attention of others even without him virtually soliciting for. He was so unique in his own ways and I say so much because he did have a dark past and it was really a miracle and of course with sheer god’s blessing did he come out of it with a bang. But this time, I believe god decided the other way, and decided to have him for himself for ever. I’ve run thro this anna only on certain occasions, just by the relation of my sister, and by this itself the thought about him makes me feel so low on loosing him, I can only imagine what my sister and her whole bunch of friends will be going through. All I am doing right now is to pray the almighty to give them and his family the strength to face this state of affairs. And also May anna’s soul rest in peace.

We will Miss u Anna, For ever and ever..

Revelation of Parenthood

I was and did comprehend a lot of mommy blogs and have been flabbergasted by the way they would articulate. They write with so much of ardour, warmth which attaches a dignity to the already esteemed mother hood. There are quite a few blogs which quiver my inner urge to be one myself such is the zeal with which they write. I’d always deliberated that it’s only moms who would express their love to their offspring and Dads are less expressive. And not long before did I stumble here and subsequently leading to read this changed my entire perspective of this rationale. Fathers are for eternity imperative right?

There's something like a line of gold thread running through a man's words when
he talks to his daughter, and gradually over the years it gets to be long enough
for you to pick up in your hands and weave into a cloth that feels like love
itself. ~John Gregory Brown, Decorations in a Ruined Cemetery, 1994

Reading few others, I couldn’t stop myself in thinking about my own dad (though this might be like off the topic). While my mother did carry the entire burden in raising us while dad was solely the bread winner of the family. Thanks to his marketing job, he was always on his heels living mostly on the intercity trains and buses for a long term official tour making a rare guest appearance. But as time conceded and when I was growing into this ‘rationale’ girl or rather woman, I did appreciate how my father had helped mom in raising us in a roundabout way. He has and probably will never get in the way in any of my mom’s decision more than ever if it involving us. He will also not impede on any of our own lives. He has always let us been ourselves and has never tried to change things in us. True to the words of an eminent persona, my father did not tell us how to live but lived and let me watch him do it. Though we, or at least I, did miss the charisma of the father figure at home but yet doubtless, I’ve a space for myself where I could dispense out emotion, if only my father was introduced to these platforms, he could have been even more articulate.

Being Me – II

Time has flown at a fast pace since I had written this. With another two years off, this year yours truly meekly hits the quarter to the century. Yes, twenty five long years of my subsistence. And true to the quote of Shakespeare:

***There was a star danced, and under that was I born***

this star was born when the other stars danced…:)
More to come but as of now ….. It’s just a very Happy Birthday to Me… :)

Am Done!!!

To all those of who are airing with all your free counsel without even me soliciting it for; all I could say will be a BIG Thank You! Thanks for all those extra efforts that you put in giving away those "precious" say but yet No Thank You!! If you think that am not sane enough to do things and more over settle on things by muself for a plain reason that I tend to ask things before I do anything as a mark of respect, then probably you have flawed . With a definite fact that I did exist in this galaxy for about twenty years before I ran thro’ you I have the conviction that am proficient enough to run things on my own even if it’s going to cost me a fortune. I will truly appreciate if I am given my space to live, breath and on the whole survive! And as the quote goes by.. Please Live and let Live.

A self revelation :)

You Are Ceramics

You are open to the world and it's possibilities. You are able to start something without knowing how it will end. You trust your intuition above everything else. Going with your gut often works out. You believe that every day objects can and should be art. The best art allows ordinary life to be more stylish and beautiful.

What Type of Art Are You?

A New-fangled Me... :)

I’ve been extensively blog hopping for while and was truly amazed at the genres which every single blog carried. I was and am reading a varied zest like food, gadgets, and mothers, personal and so on. It had really changed my discernment of this complete thought behind ‘blog’ or precisely ‘blogging’. I was jus sitting glued to the system for hours in reading those blogs that I’d instinctively developed a flair for reading by itself. Here, I’ve to be honest enough in accepting that not only was I influenced to write or rather express more, I was also disposed on the design of the blog it self. I was some how driven to write on a different platform, but given for the fact that my indiscretion on jus one, couldn’t think that I will be able to do the honors of having a second one. And finally when I decided to have a small make over of my blog that was when I found this, Thanks to Google :) . After a zillion thoughts and templates juggling I finally roped in this from here, yet there are many others which I really liked. True to the quote :

Change is the only permanent thing in this world

I hope this change is just not restricted with the design but to my stance even.

Raja Ko Rani se Pyar ho Gaya – Part II

And then……
Our engagement was fixed in a very short span of two weeks without the dates of the D -Day being finalized. Though we’d mutually agreed on the proposal but we still remained unfamiliar person to each other. Thanks to HD, we decided to have the wedding on the later part of the year amidst the furor and resistance from both our families. I had a strong belief that this period of our courting would be the underpinning of my life and so I was determined to take this prospect and get to know each other. But alas, the first three months went off with not much of it as he was preparing for his dream run certified examination and hence didn’t want to disturb him much. And hence there were not much congregation it was jus those long sessions over phone... especially during the night time which would be a fitting time for repose. Now coming to the dot - the guy himself. On the first day, it was like two full-grown people sitting across the table and discussing their lives and there was nothing much further to it with neither of us not having much expectation. I must confide here that even during our engagement period we were unfamiliar person to each other. But then am really not sure of how & when exactly did I start adoring him but definitely not during our initial days, probably it just evolved with time. What really can I say about this wonderful guy?? He’s so unlike me on all aspects, be it on his endurance level, considerate; he jus charms on anything and everything he does. I would definitely say that man plays a very crucial role in keeping his family intact and also not hurt himself in the progression. Because it’s very evident that a woman leaves behind everything and enters into another family trusting none but solely her companion. Her life restarts again with him being the central point and this I could proudly say my HD has lucratively crossed without a twinge to anyone. He took the initiative of disseminating his home to me way before the moment I could actually step into his life made my ‘transition’ much simpler. There are few things which I really do not have to tell him out loud but it could have jus been done. In this entire period of me knowing him, I’ve never really seen him loosing his cool for what ever biggest mistakes I might have committed. On the contrary to me, he’s never spoken anything beyond his control even while he hit his highest point of anger. There might have been contemplations like as to what big deal is this all about, but the point here is that we were not married after a long period of courtship. And while we were actually courting, we'd almost reached a stage where it was irreversible. And now with all this am really not going to even think of reversing. I just thought about him and nothing else while I knew anything besides that could be jus fleeting away with time. What could have happened if not him, probably my journey could have been different somewhere. But I could have truly missed being the WIFE of this wonderful person; and I really mean it from the bottom of my heart…
And now am leaving this much loved song of mine to this wonderful person im much sync with my mood.. :-)

To Be Continued…
Until my life curtains comes to a draw..

The Unsung songster

Have been listening to the Maalyil Yaaro from the movie Chatriyan for the nth time on my earphones. My… what a passionate number from none other that the great Raja Sir. I say this romantic one in spite of it being a solo number. In addition to Raja sir’s mesmerizing music magnificently picturised on the elegance- personified Banu Priya the other person who could silently take the credit is none other that the singer herself, Swarnalatha. Man! What a scintillating voice. I jus cannot put in any one else but for her for this song. She’s one of the singers whose profile will have a complete genre of music. This could be substantiated from the songs like Aatamma therottamma from the movie Captain Prabhakaran which is more a folk to the sensuous Hey Rama from Rangeela to the pathos like her national award winning song porale from Karuthamma to a very plain yet brilliantly sung thirumana malargal from the movie poo vellam un vasam. What an endowed singer!! And the other one which I’ve recently discovered is the song kuliruthu kuliruthu from the movie Taj Mahal composed by none other than our own ARR.Her voice would jus blend so well with the BGM and am sure it could make us fall in love once again :-) But I’ve always wondered whether if she was given the due credit which she deserves. Any ways, with not pondering much on the intricacies, I shall jus enjoy the song … And for all those of you who would really like it and wanna give a try here it is. Enjoy!

Am hurt… deeply...

Like any daughter, My Dad is my Hero. He’s always been a calm, composed, passionate person and on the 25 years of this life journey I’ve never seen Appa loosing his cool... I’ve always tried to live like him... Appa’s main motto in life which he also follows conscientiously is "the more you give... the more you grow". I’ve seen him live up with his motto even if it’d cost him a fortune… And by some means I’ve imbibed this quality of his in me… I’ve always accepted things as it comes and have never really wanted it the Way I wanted… Many a times, right from my childhood ,I’ve been taken for a ride … I will constantly face bullying , bickering and on … but as a kid, I was not very vexed … I was jus so blameless that I could jus dust away from my shoulders and move on …. I’ve been and am paying a great deal even today… This one eminence has so developed in me that am now unable to completely rip it off from after having paid off profoundly… Though my inner strength has grown stronger, but there have been times when it will lead me to the boundaries of aggravation… as high to the extent of cursing, abusing, assaulting myself for having been so naïve... There have been many such instances in the recent past which has testified this eminence and the one in the recent past has unquestionably distressed me… Too many things jus ran on my mind... with too many questions which were predominantly WHY AGAIN ME???? I couldn’t take the effects jus like that… I didn’t feel like talking to anyone… I didn’t want to see anyone’s face… On the first place, I jus didn’t know how to react when I was nailed for something which I did that could have been any girl’s yearning … There was no one around for me to vent out… For the first time ever I experienced the seclusion among the swarm… I wanted to run to my mother hide my face under her lap and cry my heart out... I wanted to cuddle to my dad’s shoulder to experience his warmth… I’ve never missed them so bad in life… and I realized what they are to me… It was a revelation. It has left behind a irreparable scar in me… and has shaken my inner strength… appallingly. Though everything seems fine but still at the bottom of my heart…. AM ALL HURT…. DEEPLY….

Friend, My Earnest Apologies….

Dear S,
I first met you during the days of my "golden phase". You were a complete stranger and we would jus meet occasionally for one of our leisure period... You were fair skinned, vivacious, enterprising and I could jus go on and on about you... I was, at that time, completely de -moralized, the trepidation of people who were good looking was so sturdy in me and that held in me reserved from you. You belonged to one of that "happening" gang from which I would completely distance myself due to the timidity of myself. But as days passed, you had initiated our amity or rather the liaison... We’d slowly become acquaintances ; we talked during the class hours; we messaged while we were apart; we’d those long hours of chatting sessions over phone ; And you were the one who introduced me to the coffee shops, plazas and the other happening hang-out places which honestly are alien land…. and slowly we’d become inseparable... But still on a remote corner of my heart, I was still fighting that freaking diffidence in me… I was unable to over come it completely... you didn’t know about it… or perhaps... I didn’t make you realize it... Time passed as our liaison grew stronger and deeper... You’d almost started confiding your’self’ to me... we were in complete revelation of each other... We found the solace in our relation ship... But yet, dear friend … I could not win over the downbeat emotion; as the time grew and with that we’d also grown and there was that awful day of separation... But still we made sure that we didn’t wobble our liaison... And one day you gave me that sweetest news of your significant other… You were jus SO into him … that you could keep raving about him even if it was a diminutive thing… I can still not forget that grin on your face with you’re already milk - fair cheeks turning pink when ever you get his call… But Dear friend, fate had other plans for us... Some how we lost in touch… It was almost a year that we were unable to commune... By then all good things had happened to you... You got married to this nice person with whom you were really in love... Truly, madly deeply…. And as a result... god had gifted you with little angel… But I wasn’t there to see all those… Am still not able to reason out as to how and why I let you go… I should have taken the least of measures for us to get back what we’d lost… perhaps.. Am I still suffering from that dread ful emotions…. Am not sure… I still hit myself very hard for what I’ve done… Is there anything that I cannot forgive myself is for loosing You… Some day or the other I believe that our paths will cross each other... And we might again have the same color in our life... But still... Am really not sure if I could muster up the courage to look into your eyes and confide everything to you...

Struck by WILB!!???

Don’t articles such as these encourage us to do more... :-)!
Well, of late yes, there has been lot of browsing, blog hopping and have found many such interesting sites , blogs and so on.. But this has definitely not flawed the performance as rightly mentioned it has increased.. :-) Or probably its jus reckoning the statement given..

Yaavarum Nalam: A Scary Date :-) !!!

Ok,, So finally HD (none other my Hubby Darling :-))decided to take me to a movie after a long insistence from my side. But we being on the two extremes of movie buffs, we’d to choose within the constrained options to satisfy both our akin. Amidst lot of thoughts juggling, HD finally roped in to watch Madhavan’s recent horror-flick movie Yaavarum Nalam half-heartedly. Should definitely say it wasn’t completely a bad idea. I was so engrossed about this movie for some reasons:
It’s been a real long time since Maddy aka Madhavan’s had a Tamil release.. I should say, he’s one of the very finest actors who would portray the roles given to him in a very neat and decent style and does a complete justification to the characters he plays.
The Genre of the movie: I am that kind of a filmi fan who would like to watch a varied flavor of movies and has been long time since I’d watched a horror movie.
And that made me to insist on watching this movie. Ok, did it fulfill my hope?? I can say yes because the film is refreshingly different unlike the usual run-of-the-mill love stories or the vengeful films. There were no "ghostly" figures or some kind of voice which will frighten the audience. And the ghosts had come in different medium to scare us away. There were no caricatures of a person created jus to jolt the viewers. And on the performances area; Maddy has shouldered the movie with zeal. With subtle expressions on his face in romancing his wife, getting scared when he experiences strange things, in comedy sequences, worrying for his family members, Maddy enthrals the audience. That was a treat to watch him. Not to forget about Saranya who has portrayed the TV -Serial -mania -hit mother with an ease. Her portrayal of the character is quite natural that we can as well relate her to any person in our family.
On the flip side, yes, there were few flaws which we are at times quite inane, but no movie can be made blemish less and this movie is no exemption.
In a nutshell, the movie is worth the watch, at least for proletarian movie watchers like us, who would really not be concerned about how the movie was created.
Ok, now I will have to mention about my HD’s choice movies. He’s one person who likes to watch only the feel-good factor movies His objective of watching a movie is jus for the leisure and to him the movie HAS to end on a "they-lived-happily –ever- after" note. There must not even be an ounce of violence or this kind of horror. So, that would recapitulate on the kind of pressure I would have to put on to make him accept to watch the movie. It was really mirthful to see HD cuddle on to the seat with his hands closing his ears with "please-do-not kill –me" look on his face even and clinging on to my hands for support to the scenes which weren’t even a bit scary. It was rather a treat to watch him this way…:-)

Raja Ko rani Se Pyar ho gaya…. :-) PART-1

And surely not in the pehli nazar… It’s been more than a year since I knew this wonderful person Mr.K; a year since we got engaged; and above all it’s been six months of our nuptial. Ok, as I was surprisingly idle at home and was flipping thro our wedding album for the N th time, I was jus re-living those moments.

The 13th of Jan 2008 was the usual lazing Sunday morning until I received a call from this prospective to-be groom. He’d wanted to meet me in person before we could actually get into the proposal. And amidst lot of anxiety, I was getting prepared to meet a guy whom I’d never ever thought of his existence before. And there my mom was all over her heels and she was actually even more hyped than I could be and was giving away her thoughtful tips to me as though she was preparing me for the board exams. I personally was emotion-less!! As I really didn’t know how and what to react, probably I was cursing this entire system of arranged marriages. I didn’t have an ounce of clue of what exactly was it going to happen there or the least what should I really talk to this guy. With an unclear vision and mindful of thoughts I stepped into that meeting place with a delay of fifteen minutes against our scheduled time. And yeah, there THE GUY was,
We’d a small introduction and I spoke fewer words and then there yours truly jus got back to her shell and the Guy did the entire talking. We spoke about a lot of things and finally the Guy wound the discussion by saying; “ See, Iam very slow in deciding things and probably will take some time to decide on the same.. till then I think we can be friends:. And that was the signing off message from the guy. (Oh God!! What’s really happening around me!! I’d been to meet this guy who was supposedly the prospective groom to be but then here’s the guy informing that till he decides on things he wants jus to FRIENDS… Can imagine the kind of bewilderment I could have gone thro’) .. Ok I’d to come and announce my already apprehensive Mom regarding this meet.. And as guessed I gave her an even more baffled reply of our decision.. as I’d to put a big full stop to her never-ending questions .. After a day or two of this, I again received a message from the Guy saying he would like to meet me regarding his decision and finally we met and guess what!!! The guy declared his interest on proceeding with the proposal.. and guess what would have been the reply from yours truly… A Week’s time for me to decide….;-) well that was really not a vengeful act but I really wanted time to think as I’d not thought about the entire thing for the two days.. I didn’t want to.. Because I was really not sure of what the outcome of that meeting would be.. So I jus didn’t want to be an early bird and decide on things , if every thing turned the other way round( yeah I know I was lil pessimistic about that) But now, I’d to think about lot of things but my main concern was supporting my parents and my sponsor child… because to an extent both would be a life long commitment.. so whoever accepts me should accept for this even… But then again he crux of this situation was like if I don’t again sit and talk with him .. I might know what exactly runs thro’ his mind… so , again I called him and spoke my mind and wanted his thoughts on this.. And to my surprise.. he readily accepted it and was like “so what?? Jus like am supporting my family you could even.. so I don’t think this should be an issue…”

Even after this will yours truly delay the proceedings…J NEVER!! And so finally we gave the final go-ahead to our respective families… Yes, all this while the families were never in the picture and it was purely OUR decision to go ahead…
And then………

To Be Continued….